Free Relationship Advice Can Recreate Intimacy & Communication In Your Marriage

Free Relationship Advice Can Recreate Intimacy & Communication In Your Marriage is a post from: Save Your Marriage When Everything Else Fails Try This

Making An Intimate Marriage

Many couples have a different concept of what a marriage should be about. When that happens, it typically creates distance between spouses. And you don’t just wake up one day and feel distant.

However, you may feel this way right now. Your behaviors and habits over time are what caused the distancing in your relationship and led you to this moment. Fortunately there is a way to turn this around and get closeness again in your relationship— in a short period of time.

Hannah says that she and her husband Paul used to be very close. Now Paul seems distant. He feels that the marriage is fine, and the distance “helps him cope.” Paul has always been introverted and told Hannah he is happy being a loner.

Hannah was disappointed to hear this and became upset about the situation.

After a while, Hannah threatened divorce. They could get free relationship advice but Paul is not receptive. He feels everything is o.k. just the way it is.

If we look further into their relationship, here’s what’s we find is going on. They hardly have dinner together. Hannah gets home around 6:00 PM and she eats around 7:00 PM. Paul gets home around 8:00 PM and sits in front of the TV and eats.

Their romantic life has cooled off —he is starting to sleep on the couch a few times a week because Hannah snores. Hannah has put on 20 pounds in the last year.

Paul said that while he has accepted her as she is and has never asked her to change, his sexual desire has gone down because of her weight gain—he’s just never mentioned it to her. Hannah said she used to be able to talk to Paul about anything but lately when she tries, he’ll look at her, tell her she’s crazy, and gets really angry.

That’s because she is typically implying that there’s something wrong with their marriage, when he feels all is okay. So, he has shut down when it comes to listening to her—this is how he copes.

Refreshing Your Marriage

It’s not uncommon for most couples to experience challenges like these in their relationship. Hannah wants to change the distant relationship, Paul is willing to accept life the way it is.

The way she’s trying to do it, though, is by forcing him to think about things in the same way that she does. This is never going to work. Paul is stuck in his ways. He wants to continue to be a loner—he always has been that way.

The key to turning this marriage around is what we refer to as having the right communication script. Having the right script, or the right talk, with your spouse will help him or her see your point of view. With this technique, you will be able to get your spouse to open up and see things your way, and make an effort to change.

Strengthening Your Marriage By Restoring Intimacy

Imagine this scenario for a second. You’re on the 67th floor of a building you are unfamiliar with. All of a sudden, you hear a fire alarm. You’re scared because you want to take the stairs, but you don’t know where they are.

It’s a tense and fearful situation. Now, just imagine a different scenario. What if, when you got to that 67th floor, the first person you saw was a receptionist, and she told you right upfront where the stairs were and any other procedures in case of an emergency.

You’d be more calm and prepared, and you’d know how to act if a problem arose. Now, let’s see what happens when you have an argument with your spouse. Hannah will end up saying things to Paul in a critical tone, such as “We are never intimate.

You are cold and distant.” And with that type of talk, Paul will immediately shut her down. Using this approach will never help you make progress in your relationship. You’ll never get your husband to understand what you need.

It’s like running around when you hear the fire alarm sounding. But what if Hannah thought about what she was going to say before she spoke to Paul.

Better still, what if she wrote it down. Imagine that Hannah said, “I feel estranged when we have no plans together. I miss doing things with you.” Now Paul would listen to her.

That’s because Hannah is first talking in terms of what she wants and what she needs in the relationship, not criticizing Paul for what he is not doing.

And, even if he shot her down, she could literally pull out her prepared communication and read directly from it so she could still stay “on point.” He might even feel guilty and open up more.

You see, taking time to prepare what to say is a good way to help save your relationship. This helps break bad communication habits.

Supporting Intimacy In Your Marriage

Knowing in advance how to communicate and what to say moves your relationship from cold and distant to hot and sexy again. Getting helpful free relationship advice is certainly possible to get but very few capable therapists can give you enough free time to solve your problems.

By Dr. Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D

Ellen Kreidman on Google+